Save Me, Save My English

English was a Malaysian second national language after Malay language. When I was very young, my parent had already taught me in this language. Therefore, next time, I will not have a trouble on spelling or even grammars. I like English but the problem is some teachers and students. The problem that I faced with some teachers is that they’re not the person that knows English well. They’re even makes a mistake. When a person like me tries to correct their grammar, they don’t admit their mistakes. Okay, that because it sounds embarrassing them. But they way they do looks unprofessionally. It sounds pathetic too but at least, I’m helping others to understand that it sounds weirder that a cartoon’s conversation. I’m also faced a problem with some of the students as well. I know some of them definitely don’t know English even they’re learning that language from primary school but that can’t help well. The only words that came out from their mouth were “yes” or “no”. I was wondering how they will survive if they’re lost in other countries. They’re making fun of the students that speaks well in English instead of learning and correct their mistakes. Some other way, I saw the conspiracy happening around the teachers and students that are left in the middle because of it. In the end, a person like me always becomes a victim. They’re always calling teachers and students that can speak well in English with the nickname, “Orang Putih Sesat”. I feel embarrassed when they’re started to avoid me and it makes me confused to choose the world between two. Either I’m pulling myself like a stupid girl that doesn’t know anything at all or keep on moving with my style. I choose the first one because I deserve to have people surrounding me. At the end, they’re still fooling me.

I’m bored with them. Suddenly, I feel I was forgotten how to speak in English anymore. My parent almost killing me because my grade had suddenly drops during the monthly examination. What can I do? I thought. One day, as Miss Lau beginning to give me that glimpse of the future to my life, suddenly I woke up from this dream. Where am I? I questioned myself. Then, I begin to start to boost up the English grade. I’m not going to listen to stupid ideas anymore because I choose my own future and not the trend they’d showed me. I’m leaving that world behind and I’m so grateful that my English was the best in the class. My English started to drop when I was in primary 5 (1991) and 6 (1992). I have this kind of problem with this English teacher – Mr. Charles Edwin (Indian teacher) when I’ve told him that his grammar sounds weird. However, he refused to admit and he was hit me with rattan stick. His sentenced was… “What are you going to do tonight?”. It’s really sounds weird to me and I tried to correct him with the right grammar with, “Tonight, what do you wanted to do?”. Isn’t it sounds better when you asked that way instead of asking weird questions? Then, of course the answers were still the same. He depends on the book all the times and told me don’t ever try to cross him because he knows what to do. I’m complaining to my dad about this teacher behaviour. My dad was really angry but my mum asked him to stay cool and soon enough that teacher will fix his attitude. Easy for my mum to say but I have to stand my English teacher’s attitude for two years. I’ve tried to ask other teacher but it seems like they’re defending him. Then I know, the others teacher had a problem with me. I’m not really a teacher’s favorite either. At the end, my English grades flop because of this teacher.

Enter secondary school in 1993, I feel very much okay than ever. My English drop again when I’m entering form 2 (1994). I don’t have any idea what did Mr. Sadan told us. Sometimes, I’m feeling living in my own world. Luckily, Cik Mahani came all the way saving us with her hi-tech English. She is super cool because she was graduated from university in Texas, US. Finally, I rebuild my English that been lost at the first place. A year later, after she’d got married to Encik Rasul (our form 3 History teacher), which gaining her title from Cik (Miss) to Puan (Madam), she’s still never giving up on us. This is even funnier experience when I encounter with some of my classmates. Of course some of them making fun but they’re also learning and some feels she was too much and tries to boycott her. Puan Mahani had asked Sibat about ‘tongkang’ (junk) and what it means by that word in English when we saw it in the book. He begins to look around finding someone to give him an answer. “Don’t look at him!” yells Puan Mahani to the rest of us who knows about the answer. Few minutes later, he’d finally given an answer. He pronounces ‘tongkang’ as ‘tong-keng’. His reason that English people usually doesn’t know how to pronounce it wells. The entire class had started to laugh at him. He was punished because he doesn’t know what’s the meaning of ‘tongkang’ is. At another day, Puan Mahani had asked Willie and Bened to read the passage from some chapter which was I can’t remember which chapter it was. Both of them started to struggle. With “Ahem” sounds for the start suddenly, Willie read in the scramble words. Nobody really listen to what he was saying but suddenly he said he was finished it. I can see the question marks at the top of Puan Mahani’s head.

Then, she had asked Bened to continue at the other passage. Similar to Willie, he’d also blurt with nothing to hear instead brrr…brr…shh…shh… words. Suddenly, he’d finished and then, he’s just smiling. All of us beginning to show question marks on our head as well as Puan Mahani did. “Guys, what are talking about?” asked Nazri with the two boys just now. They didn’t answer instead of seeing their wide smile. “I swear you guys are seriously in big trouble!” said Puan Mahani. Six months later (in January 1997), a new teacher came along. Miss Amelia our new English teacher is the one replacing Puan Mahani as she’d move to Kelantan alongside with her husband. As usual, Bened and Willie did the same thing until the last year in the secondary school. The big exams coming up and it seems like some of the students struggling to learn English better. One morning, Bened had came to me and asked some questions. When I heard, he wanted to learn English; I was paused for a while. “Dear my young uncle, why did you want to learn it now?” I’m asked him this question. He answers, “I like English and I hope I can improve some. You’re my last chance my dear niece” Actually, it’s really too late for him to ask me to teach him English but because he’d sincerely asking for help, I’m helping him the best that I could. It was about an upcoming English Oral Examination three months from the day he asked me to teach him. Willie had also shows some interest alongside with other like Faridah and Dahliawaty. At least, Dahliawaty is better than three of these students. I have to teach them in the extreme mode. Therefore, in that way it can improve their speaking. One time, Willie almost saying he was giving up but I’m whacked his head and asked him to do it over and over again until he can do it.

For the first two weeks, I found Bened and Willie is very much in the level zero. Perhaps, they can spell the words but they can’t pronounce the words better. I’m also had a problem in pronunciation. I can’t give up on them and even myself. There’s a time, I will teach them to read. The way they’re read is so awful. I don’t know what they’re saying. Then, I’m trying to improve their readings by reads the passage together with them. My time was limited. I have to teach them and at the same time, I have to finish my art folio which was handed at the same month with our English Oral Examination. Why oh why everything is so squeezing? Even for a month, still Bened and Willie doesn’t show any improvement. I’ve tried the other way which is I asked them read the song lyrics by listening to the music itself. It’s really looks stupid but I have to do that. In other words, it’s desperate way. Our other classmates had laughed on them and I’m no going to have another bully victim in the class anymore. I’ve told myself, they’re not the one who can speak and writes in English. I will run to catch the light if I could. Bened and Willie also struggles to finish their art folio. Poor guys, they have already so much trouble not only in their studies but also the relationship with the other classmates. They’ve been laughed out, insinuated and fooled by those jerks in the school. I hate them very much. I’m expressing my feelings to Dahliawaty about the others but it seems like she’d already received the same fate as I am. What can we do? “The B class is always a hopeless but always become the second choice to bring an improvement”, said one of the teachers long time ago. I’m overheard this and I feel bad about myself. It’s like a B-movie that we’re never really expected the audience to watch it. However, if it’s good, we’ve got someone watching our action. Why I’m not thinking of making an A-List drama at the first place? Nah…A-Movie or B-Movies, I’m sure it will show some quality.

By a month to go, Bened and Willie had started to improve their English better. Not only both of them but for me as well. Although, it does not come overnight, at least, a little improvement can help them to get the better grade. I feel very much great. I never told them I’m already involved in so many troubles but they can tell how hard it is to struggle all the way to the top. I’m so thankful because they’re not only understandings me but also had helping to improve my English as well. During this time, I was thinking, where’s the teacher when we’re needed them most? Are they giving up on the hope that they’re used to tell us everyday in the class? I wouldn’t know. Some students want to learn, so help them. Willie had asked me a question whether one day I would become a temporary teacher in this school. I refused to do that because I know I’m a horrible teacher. I was bullied by my own classmates and there’s no way I could do it again. Bened had shares his opinion too. He’d told me that if he given a next round he would hire someone like me to become an English teacher. I never wanted to become a teacher in my life. It’s not about challenging or salary is just that I have no interest at all in this field. Like I’m not fancying working as a nurse. If I want to do that, I will become a doctor but not a nurse. I didn’t say this job is not okay is just that like I said at the first place. I have no interest at all. Although, both of them might be unable to tell what I’ve become and where did I go, well, they’re wishing me luck. I’m happy because there is still someone in the same boat that I’m in. We’re sinking, drown, swim and survive together. No one can predict the future but we’re the one who can choose the life that we want to become next time.

The English Oral Examination is coming just about a week to go. Bened, Willie and I were doesn’t feels very much pressured anymore. Although, we don’t speaks English in front of everybody but I know they can do it. There are few words that they need to pay attention with. I hope they can pass as long as they speak up. It sounds a little weird but it’s getting better. I’m not going to let both of them down. They’re both fancies Charity and Anthony (Principle’s daughter and son) because these two siblings can speaks well in English. I’ve told them that because their parent had given a lot of opportunity to learn this language. Their parent had a dream to see their kids to reach the stars above the sky. That means they know their kids will go far away somewhere overseas next time. They’ve asked me if I’m doing the same too. But I refused to predict my own future because I’m choosing myself on the world that I want to live in. Therefore, I’m choosing they path that Bened and Willie had asked me before. Three days to go, it seems like everybody busy with English. They’re busy talking in English and writes in English. “Come and help us!” yells Judy. Why oh why you didn’t ask me three months ago? I thought. She’d rather follows those jerks than follow the two boy footsteps before. I feel sympathized but I’m really can’t help them. It’s enough I’m helping them with the art folio but not English language because learning that language is not comes by overnight. Laura, of course she can speak well in English because she had good school background whereas she had study at St. Columba, Miri. It doesn’t stop me because I know I have my own goal and get busy here. One thing I don’t really like about her, she’s always looks down to other students that can’t speak English. I feel I wanted to slap her but I don’t want to make any trouble. Enough is enough I’ll teach her a lesson after I’m going out from this school.

The day that everybody waiting for has come. “You don’t feel nervous?” asked Rosita. I shook my head. “Yes, that because you’re good in English!” she’d replied. I feel torn apart when she’d said like that. Some part she’s right and the other part she had receiving a same fate like Judy. Bened is coming back from the room and we’re asking what kind of questions that the examiner had asked him. He’d told us that it’s about football league. “Can you answer?” asked Inta. “Of course I do! It’s about football, so what?” he replied. The others are getting worry. Then, few moments later, Dahliawaty had gone for the oral test. I’m busy finishing my art folio because I know my turn will be on afternoon. I heard someone’s says about the Malaysian fruits questions and Charity got it. She’s so lucky to get that kind of questions. Why I’m not takes this question? Still I’m not worry much. Dahliawaty comes back and told us she’d asked about a barbershop. Faridah is getting nervous as well. Everybody does look the same way. I’d rather listens to them but none of the words coming out from my mouth yet. I’m going out to the toilet alone. As I reached at the girl’s toilet, I heard someone’s crying. I checked it out and I found it was a girl from form 5D. I can’t remember her name but she’s nice girl. I didn’t ask her anything but she asked me if my turn is coming yet. I’ve told her I’m will be in the afternoon session. She said to me that she can’t answers the questions. That means I knows she’s going to fail because she didn’t speak up. Communication is one of the important things in oral and I’m glad Bened can do it. I’m gone back to the class and continue to listen to others feedback while finishing my art folio. Earlier last night, my mum had told me to be cool and don’t be nervous. Pray if I have to that because it helps to give a peace in a heart. I’m smiling alone thinking on what my mum says to me.

The morning session had finished and it’s time for our turns. Those who start the initials with M, N, O, P and Q were on the lead now. Our turn will be at the last hour of school’s session around 12p.m. to 1p.m. “I’m going to finish my frame at art workshop”, said Bened to me. I’m nodded. Then, he wished me luck as he went away with few guys and girls that already been through the oral test earlier. Willie come next to me and asked if I’m feels nervous. I shook my head. He’s not that worry but little nervous. He was afraid that he can’t answers the questions. The nervous had developed when he heard some students can’t answer the questions. “It’s not hard but they make it hard”, I replied. Willie had got my message as I’ve told him thousand of times that don’t listen to the person that don’t want to make a homework. I’m pretty sure they will fail! My prediction was right. 2nd last afternoon session was about to begin when it’s now was for the one has initials that started with R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y and Z. Q was skipped earlier because nobody’s had Q in my school and so X. Regina had told me that she’d asked the barbershop questions. The teacher had given her opportunity to go home early. Lucky for her and when is my turn is going to come? When the time is almost coming I was called to the library and have to wait someone to finish. I saw Encik Idris helping to organize us. The examiner was actually the teacher from the other school. Encik Idris had asked me if I’m feeling nervous. I’m said that I was feeling okay. Few minutes later, my name was called out. I went inside the examiner room which was supposed to be a Counseling room. I greet the ‘good afternoon sir’ and started to do what they asked me to do. They had asked the questions about barbershop. First of all, they want me to read a passage and then, they asked the questions. I feel very confident answering their questions. No turning back! I’ve told myself.

After I have finished my Oral exam, I thanked to them and went away with a smile. I’ve coming back to the class to pick up my bag. The remaining had asked me about the questions. I’ve told them I was answers the barbershop questions. What a surprise, they’d told me. Sibat came to me how to pronounce the word ‘league’. “It’s sounds l-i-k! League”, I’ve told him. “Uh! Oh!”, he replied. Surely he was in trouble. He told me that he pronounce it as “l-i-g-o-o”. I shook my head, it’s “l-i-k”, alright. “I’ll remember that!” said Willie. However, I’ve told Sibat that he’d already passed it because he answers the questions. He was happy when I’ve told him about it. That’s the way to help them to get a confidence back. I wish Willie a good luck who becomes the last person in the class to be in oral test later. As I’m coming back home, my mum asked me if I could do it. I’ve told her it’s so easy! My mum was pretty happy. I’m feeling good too. That night I’m still can sleep well although the deadline for my art folio is getting nearer. I’m take care the rest as long as it’s finished. On the next morning, I’ve come to the school with confident. I reached at Willie and asked him what kind of question that the examiner had asked him yesterday. It’s all about “l-i-g-o-o” thing, he said. The football league, that’s what come into my mind a second he told me about that word. We’ll have to wait for a year of result. Hopefully, it’s all okay. About a year later, the SPM results had came out. I’m so glad that I passed my English oral test. Bened and Willie came to me and thanking for helping them. As for the gift, they’d passed the English oral as well. “Well done, guys!” I’m congratulates my uncle Bened and Willie. I’m hugging them both and wishing them good luck for the years to come. It was my very last time I saw both of them. Now, my young uncle Bened had joined the military and had a family while my friend, Willie had a job at the oil and gas company in Miri. I missed both of them very much.

I’m so glad both of them got good job and have a good family. I was really hoping that their English is still okay even after years we’ve been stopped seeing each other. There’s one sitcom always reminds me about both of them whish is Senario. I like the way they do a pronunciation in English. It’s really reminds me about the boys. I’m smiling alone thinking about it. What a day that I have with my friends and my little uncle. Of course he’s my uncle. Its’ just that he’d same age same mine and we’ve gone to study at the class and the same school. No doubt, he’s playful boy. That’s my young uncle Bened alright. Willie is a shy boy in the class. He loves talking about girl clothes, female singers and movies. In other way, he was almost slipped into Reba and David’s aura. But he’s still remembers who he is. Me? I wouldn’t be here if it’s not because of the dreams that I’ve build 10 years ago. As I can read and writes English, I’ve started a blog and do it all in English. I know almost some of my friends can’t speak English or even writes in English. You can say that, poor kid! But I’m glad because this is the time I’m expressing my feelings to them with my own way. I don’t care if they didn’t know what it means. It’s like a therapy and I’ feeling very much alright after I’m writing all of this. It was like one in a million an opportunity for me to tell the story of my life in school. I’m just hoping people’s get better lesson so next time they did not receive the same fate as mine anymore. Learning English is fun as well as learning our language. Through language we’re communicate. The communication is getting sophisticated, we should appreciates it’s more. Without communication it feels like home alone. The disable also had communicates with us in order to response to what we’ve said to them. Animals, flora, fauna, anything, anything at all as long as it lives because this is the way we live. Let’s us makes the better world for living. We’re appreciates the language as well as we appreciates the each other culture. Start learning then!