MSOD Special Edition: High School Crush Confidential

Valentine’s Day was celebrated on February 14th every year in the entire world. It was a day of showing a love. Not only for love couples but also with everyone like your mum and dad, your siblings, your friends, your colleague, pets, etc. If we can show our love for a day we can see the glimpsed of peace. That’s all about it and nothing more. However, the meaning of the real Valentine’s Day had been misinterpreted by some people that because they don’t know at all or they just don’t want to know at all. It leads to some extremist group to start and spread their own evil agenda to vanish this beautiful day. What we can do about it is only one, don’t get listen to someone like them. They don’t have life. That’s what they are. Okay, actually, I don’t want to lecture on Valentine’s Day. I want to share you a story about almost love story. It’s not really about love but I’d rather called it crush. It’s super cute rather than love because crush is only a little gas of love. However, many had misinterpreted crush to love because one thing for sure, not many people think I am eligible for it. They might think they’ve won but actually I have a confession to make. They’ve been fooled and that’s what they really are. That’s the reason the word crush is better than love. Even my own best friends don’t know what’s really going on. I don’t know how many times I’ve been fooled them around but I can say a lot of times. Here, I get to know who’s backstabbing me and who’s not. I know my best friends never do that to me. It’s really worth it defending them when they need my help.

Love is the most sensitive thing. Sometimes, people get hurt and sometimes people get happy ending with it. In terms of me, it was complicated. It’s started when I was gone to the secondary school. I am more like following other student style when it comes to social skills but definitely not my outfit or even my private life. Everyone is seems to be happy when they found love in their lives. However, my parent had already outlined a rule for me not to have a boyfriend until I’m really mature about the thing called relationship. It’s really not cool. Okay, perhaps, I can’t have a boyfriend but I can have a school crush. It’s nothing serious because it’s never involved the real romance. However, the price is bigger when I was about to receive several bad transmissions afterwards. As I’ve told many times before in my other stories, I’m never falls in love or get crush on the male students. I don’t like someone is rude, immature, lack of confidence, and being bossy. Don’t laugh because all that is true! Okay, I must admit the female students is also sometimes rude, easily to cry, too naïve, and demanding but look at us as a student, isn’t sounds stupid enough for what we are. Young and free (for God sake) but at the some times, inexperience! I like to learn it from the intermediate but of course it safe and sound. I want someone is inspiring, mature, experience, nice, confident, not bossy but tough and they must have their own direction of life.

When I was form 1, I have a crush on my class teacher. He’s nice and quiet kind of person. He’s married and because in the name married, my classmates think I am seriously trying to mess up someone’s life. I’m not like that because they’re just misunderstood. The rumors had started to spread but I’m keep it low and pretending not to know what’s going on. My close friend like Sulastrie and Dahliawaty were lost in puzzlement. They don’t know what kind of game that I’m was playing. For me he was the inspiring teacher. Of course, he was become my art teacher when I was form 2, 3, 4 and 5 but during that time, I did not have a crush on him anymore. He’s pretty much look like my own uncle. Honestly, there’s no love feeling involved. That because I was amazed with his talent. He asked me to join the art contest which I did win some consolation prize alongside with the other contestant and also my classmates, Tedong. During teacher’s Day, I show an appreciation by giving him a flower. I went away just like that without looking back to what I’ve done. The next day, he came to the class with a happy mood. Suddenly, I feel very embarrassed for what I’ve done. However, I stay maintain and do my work as usual. Months after months to come, he is still for he was – talented and inspired except every time I was in trouble, he’s surely back me up. He’s always taught me several art techniques that might be useful one day. He’d once told me that I have a future in arts. That if only I’m committed to my work. Every word that he’d told me had becomes a major track for me to rock steadily throughout the years. I guess, the crush that I built on him had save me from drowning in the ocean of failure. I owe him a lot.

As I’ve told before, when I didn’t have a crush on him anymore, we’ve become good friends. He’d continue to become my art teacher when I’ve enter form 2, 3, 4 and 5. He become a supporter of me when I’ve enter javelin event in yearly school sport competition, short story writer in yearly school’s magazine and even talks like professional in forum contest. He’d lend a help when I’m caught in bad situation during school’s prefect orientation and organizing the yearly school’s magazine (whereas he’d become Art magazine advisor). However, I was in other department whereas I was in Iban language department. I guess it’s really paid to have a crush on teacher. I’m still remember about some of my girl classmates it was a wrong move but I think it’s working. It’s not about sexual-orientation minded but all I wanted to promote is a healthy relationship between teacher and student. Some students had ruined my plan which later had against my vision. First and foremost, I’m always wanted to tell them I’m not a cheapskate and second I don’t want to become someone that trying to get interfere in someone’s marriage. What they’ve done was something very serious. I know who was the one who spread the rumor but I don’t need to put her name here everytime I write the MSOD journals. I feel sick of her every time I think of it. My luck was on my side when he takes it cool. When it’s cool off, nobody knows that he’s still on my side. Then, when it goes that way, it’s time to have another school’s crush again. Although, I have someone that I’m fancy after him, that’s just Encik Hisham to me. He was the teacher that never lack of inspire.

Two years after I’ve been left school, I heard he moves to his hometown. I’m so sad that he was move. Since then, I’ve lost contact with him. But what I proud of was I’ve shown how much I’m appreciate his thoughts that he’d given me. Whenever I wanted to remember him, I’m always looks at his handmade-piece of plaque that I bought from him when I was in form 4. He knows that I borrow these words from song lyrics called ‘Reach’ by Gloria Estefan. It was become a theme for Olympic Games in Atlanta, 1996. He wish me luck and hopefully, I could reach my dream as what as these lyrics had express. He’d decided to make a wooden plaque for me. This Valentine’s Day, I would like to say thank you for all the things that he’d done to me for the rest of five years. I would like to apologize to him if I caused any trouble throughout the year that I’ve know him. I wish him luck and success in works and his career. May God bless him as always.